10 ways to know who to keep in your life
Fuck them fake ass people. They’ve got such a long growth journey ahead of them and the irony is, they probably don’t even know it. It doesn’t mean they should stay in your life though, and that is why you need to do a clean up of your circle. People come and go and that will always be the case, you can decide to fight for some of them or let them go. Not everyone is meant to stay on your road forever and that’s okay, your roads can literally separate sometimes and cross over one day or never again. The nice thing about this is that each person you’ll meet in your life will most probably teach you something one day or another. That’s why ‘’losing’’ someone (I am not talking about death losses) never truly is a loss.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t do a clean up every once and a while. Clean ups are good and healthy for you and your life, which as I recall, you’re the one living, that means you make whatever choice you want about the people you keep close or not.
Here are some advices on how to know if someone should be cut off or not.
**Please note that I will be using the word relationship a lot, and by that I not only mean romantic relationships but any kind of relationship. Friends, family members, colleagues, lover(s), relationship is applied to any one of these. **
- There’s no jealousy
The people that truly want you to win probably want you to win more than you want yourself to, and those are the people you want around. No jealousy, just being proud of one another and helping each other out.
A jealous person will be doing some of those:
- Bringing out your insecurities alone or in front of people in a judging way
- Pushing you down in order to put themselves up
- Shadowing you in any way possible
- Talking about them when you tell them good news about yourself or just not being happy/proud for/of you.
- Copy you non stop in whatever you do (know the difference between starting to have the same expressions and someone doing exactly what you do all the time).
- Etc.
- They bring out your inner child
When you’re around someone that makes your inner child feel safe, fulfills whatever you lacked of as a child, it means keep that special someone around. This type of connection is rare but so important and it’s part of healing one of your deepest roots which helps you be a better person. One of my best friends makes my inner child feel so happy and fulfilled because I can laugh about stupid things with her, and just say the most ridiculous thing and I know she will never judge me. She’s a bit younger than me and I’ve known her for many years, maybe that’s why, but I know she’s one of the people that will NEVER backstab me. She knows my deepest fears and when I felt down bad she made me feel safe to tell my truth. I feel like sometimes I can be immature with her and it won’t make it weird between us. If you know someone that makes you feel this way, they deserve your time.
- You almost pee your pants with them
Now, this one’s kind of a grey zone, some people can make you laugh to tears and they’ll be fake. But I’m talking your real laugh, the genuine one that boosts your serotonin and in which you feel so freaking happy. Funny people are all around the world, but the ones that make YOU laugh almost everytime you see them, you know they’ll be able to lift your smile up when needed.
- Ask yourself this: What do they bring you?
This may look selfish, but honestly, what do they bring you? Before you give a part of yourself to someone, what do they bring to you? The answer better be one of these: support, love, laughter, trust, closure, help, safety, coffees, confidence, I mean do they fucking lift you up or down? You can’t keep someone that walks for you when you’re doing a whole Iron Man for them. When X person is asking you for help, or whatever fucking other thing they need, really put in circumstances what they bring to you because if you don’t, you’ll always end up giving 93% to people and receiving 7%. While you may like to give more than receive, you must surround yourself with people who are willing to give you as much. That’s called self-respect.
Also, your closed ones won’t always be giving you 50% and you 50%, life happens, we go through shit but the important part is that you genuinely know if this week they only give 7%, next week they’ll give a big 93% and that’s part of any relationship, romantic or not.
- Are they only there when they need something?
Think about it, have they always been not available when you needed them? Of course there are circumstances to every situation, but people make time for the ones that truly matter to them so if they never do it, drop them.
- Values & mindset
Oh them values. We all have different ones and in different priorities, but when you share majority of them with other individuals, that will make you able to thrive. You can be different from others you care about, but if the values are complete opposite, it may just hurt you in the end. Same goes for the mindset, when you surround yourself with like minded people, you allow yourself to so many possibilities.
It doesn’t mean that people that are complete opposite are bad for you, it just means that you may have a hard time getting their point and them getting yours and it may hurt you if it haven’t already. Also, when the mindset isn’t at least a bit similar it’s not a wrong relationship, it’s just that you may push yourself more if you’re surrounded by people that get what you’re believing in. Doesn’t necessarily mean you should cut other people off, but maybe don’t give your full time to them.
I can’t tell you what to do though, that’s all your decision mate.
- Your biggest fan
If they aren’t, out the door please. I said it once and I’ll say it again, WE WANT PEOPLE THAT WANT YOU TO WIN MORE THAN YOU WANT TO WIN YOURSELF.
- Respect
To me respect isn’t completely a value, it’s a basis. There will never be a relationship that will get far without mutual respect. Respect is knowing someone else’s limit and boundaries and not pushing them. Respect is not looking down on someone you call your closed one. Respect is many things and if it’s not through with the two parties of the relationship, nothing will ever work.
- Calling you out on your bullshit while still not putting you down
Someone close to you and healthy for you is not someone that will always tell you what you want to hear. Someone healthy for you is someone that gives you the opportunity to grow when you don’t see the growth possibility.
If a friend is calling you on your bullshit (preferably not in front of many people and respectfully without pushing you down), than it means they respect you enough to tell you the fucking truth. Seriously, do you want to always be told you’re right or do you want to be told when you’re in the wrong and where you can learn/grow on X situation? You may always want to be right but that won’t get you far in life.
- They have your back
I mean if they’re not ready to fight for you, why the fuck would you keep them? If someone spoke shit about you in front of them, would they start talking with them or would they leave? Would they tarnish your name or would they start defending you?
When you can count on someone, you keep that someone. If you’re not sure you can, you either have trust issues or need to let them go.
Anyways, life is full of backstabs, we all did it once, we all received it once. We all make mistakes and that’s okay. The older you grow, the more you just want the people you can truly trust around you and those people are usually counted on your two hands.
My people, fucking hell I love them. They are the most authentic people I know and I would fucking go to war with them, cause when I love someone I love hard. Life is about who you become, and what you do to this world, but it’s also about the other souls surrounding you and pushing you up, they make YOUR world more amazing and fulfilling, they make it real.
Now, who do you want to let bring their own color in your story?
Mwah.
