Feeling something as strong as love for someone can be the greatest thing ever and the most hurtful one too. Time flies, love grows, it evolves, and sometimes love isn’t a big enough reason to keep it going, sometimes, the flower is dead and you can’t bring it back to life even if you keep watering it (actually I’m not sure I’m not a florist but you get the point). When your love for someone isn’t a big enough reason to keep them at this status, it’s time you put the love for yourself above it and leave. Even though it’s hard, even though it’s the shittiest thing you’ve ever needed to do, on the long term it’ll do you both good.
Settling for someone
Let me tell you, your perfect someone is out there, we all have them, and they are probably going through some shit right now too. Or they’re finding themselves, but whatever they’re doing if one thing is for sure is that they’re making their way to you slowly for the day that life will decide is the right moment to let two souls meet and fall for one another.
How to know you’re settling
- Values
OH THE VALUES MEAN SO MUCH. If you completely dislike what their priorities are and what they put their energy most to, maybe you’re not dating the right person. Don’t get me wrong, opposites DO attract, but I mean if for example respect is high on your value list and he/she doesn’t even pay some respect to like the waiter then you may not connect as much as you would with the right one.
- You don’t feel that much in love
I know that being in a relationship can be nice and being single can be scary, but trust me if you’re not in love or if you don’t feel like you’re falling for someone, then stop. It’s leading no where and you both can get hurt in the end, you better be alone than in bad company.
- It’s ALWAYS complicated
I know everyone has their story, but the right person, the one you’ll truly fall in love with will give you a simple relationship. The love is going to be simple, just simpler than ever.
- Accepting actions you normally would not accept
Listen to me, if you had a friend come to you with the situation you’re in and you’d answer something like ‘’Leave the guy’’ or ‘’You deserve better, he’s not good enough for you’’ than you got your fucking answer. If you’re accepting things that are not in touch with who you are or make you feel bad, then don’t accept them. It doesn’t mean your standards are too high or you’re asking too much, it only means that this person meets someone else’s standards or they’re not in the same place as you in life.
- Not wanting to put efforts
If you don’t feel like putting any kind of effort in the relationship or you forget about them as much as Rory forgets Paul in Gilmore Girls than maybe you’re just scared to be alone or there’s some kind of trauma you need to heal from.
What I think about settling
Settling for a relationship you’re not sure you feel completely happy in is the same to me as eating a pizza and telling yourself you’re eating healthy right now because it’s cheese and tomato sauce. It’s denial. You’re literally denying the fact that you need inner input and growth, you’re ignoring your inner demons and acting as if they’re not in the room with us.
Maybe you’re scared of being single, maybe you feel as if you’re not worthy of better, maybe you don’t even know you’re settling because you didn’t give yourself a chance to connect with who you are, what you want and what you don’t. I don’t know what the problem is, everybody’s different and got their own situation, however, settling should not be an option. Let me give you my advices.
- You need time with yourself
Being single isn’t bad, actually it’s fucking great and you enjoy every part of it. Obviously there are bad days but those bad days happen whether you have a partner or not.
It’s giving yourself a chance to meet and connect with your inner person, understand what you want, what you don’t want, who you are, who you want to become. Growing into your very best self starts today, hell it started yesterday! You need to let yourself be who you truly are in order to attract the right person and then they’ll come at the right time.
- Your person is out there
I know it is, your perfect someone, the one that’s going to make you feel good, that healthy relationship you wish for, it is out there. It’s not with you right now because it’s not the right time, but getting out of that settling position is going to help you move forward to them. Might I say you should do it for yourself and not to find someone else, you’re the one that’s going to stick around your whole life, but you do you.
- You’re going to end up hurting both parties
If you keep up with a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, or doesn’t fulfill a part of you, then you’ll end up lying to yourself and hurting you. What’s to remember is that keeping this up longer will also hurt and waste your partner’s time.
- It doesn’t get you far
How the fuck do you expect to grow when you keep yourself in a zone that may be toxic, that’s not making you feel good and which is ALSO preventing you from investing more time in the one human that’s going to be there till the end: YOU. I mean, before you’re somebody’s girlfriend or boyfriend you’re you, we don’t come to the world with a relationship handed to us we grow and we start becoming more aware of the personality that makes us a unique person. That’s the way it should keep going, you’re always your priority and when you meet the right person, you bend the priority a bit but it generally stays you. BY THE WAY, that person will want you to be your own priority too, that’s called being a human before being in a relationship. What you want, who you want is out there and there’s no such thing as high standards, standards are standards they don’t fit everybody but that’s exactly why we can’t fit with everyone. Your standards may not fit with someone else’s but they sure will fit with the right person. You can’t try to put up a puzzle by bending one piece just so it can fit right. The right puzzle piece is somewhere around your house.
Settling is a big deal because the moment you do that, you ignore some inner issues you should be taking care of and by doing that you deny yourself time, consciousness, and love. Face them, you’ll see how they may not be as scary as they look. Until you meet the one, enjoy, focus on you and becoming better or just fucking living in the present moment.
Thanks for reading me and I hope this added some input in your life.
MWAH.
