Red has always been the color of temptation, we all know that. However, red is also, the color of blood. Red is like a Ying/Yang by itself. I mean, the devil is represented in red, but yet our heart which loves and make us alive is red. Well it’s also the color that’s given to ‘’not ok’’ or ‘’danger’’ or Stop signs. It’s so intense it’s the first color you’ll notice when out somewhere. Which brings me to my point : red flags. So attractive yet so dangerous for us. Let’s get deep with them.
Why are you so prone to go for the red flags people?
Ok so I could make you a list of red flags, but have you typed red flags in Google?? I need to distinguish myself if I want to be higher on Google’s list of blogs 😂. Anyways, I do believe there are a few general red flags for everyone but in the end it depends on your values and what you’re looking for.
Let’s get to it.
- You’re looking for something to fill up a certain hole
Not that one. Don’t see it that way please. I’m talking about an emotional hole. Again, not the one you’re thinking. Ok let me just rephrase it real quick.
- You’re looking for a solution to a YOU problem.
Ah much better.
What I’m saying here is if you’re looking for someone because you have unresolved issues with yourself, you might go for the wrong ones/the ones that have the wrong intentions. Get time on your own, solve what needs to be solved, heal what needs to be healed and then you’ll know what you deserve, which are not those little stupid red flags.
- Toxic is the new normal?
I hate to say this 😭 but we’re in a place in the world where being in a healthy relationship is kind of rare. People don’t know what it is until they’re in it and usually they push it away because it’s ‘’boring’’. Why is that? I mean if you ask me a roller coaster brings much more emotions than being on a chill little boat on a bright and calm lake. It’s just that we think it’s deeper love if there are more intense emotions, but I don’t think it’s true. I have thought it true at one point. I don’t anymore. True love, is easy, calm, peaceful, not without it’s battles, but overall, easy. That’s what I was told LOL. It’s such a tough thing to find that people go for the toxic possibility for many many reasons but also because they feel ”more” in it. Which goes to ‘’it’s not boring’’. Well it may be less boring but it is much more hurtful. You’re literally putting the blade in your own self when you consciously go for something toxic. Yet that’s how we learn and I hope that one day you’ll put a huge RED X on this and move on to a happier life.
- Red is sexy, it’s attractive
Ladies, why are red nails nicer (for most of us), red dresses sexier & red lipstick powerful? First off, it just is. Second, it’s also the color of passion & desire. I mean, on Valentines Day there is red everywhere, red petals on bed, red dresses all over restaurants, red suits, red decorations, red velvet cakes, etc. It’s attractive, you can’t say otherwise. I suppose it goes the same for red flags, pure logic isn’t it?
- You don’t know any better
I mean that’s how we end up knowing better right? By learning on a red flag mistake. Maybe cut yourself some slack because you may not have known that there was MUCH better out there, starting with you.
How to stop going for red flags
Seriously there are not many ways to do this, and it’s different for everyone but I’d say first…
- The last straw
You either keep going until you’re so hurt that seeing red flags don’t even attract you anymore or you stop before it goes there. Of course the first option can be a much longer solution, it could go to a 3 year subscription plan, 101,78$ a month LOL. Sometimes, you don’t know you’ve had enough until you’ve had enough and when that is, when you’re completely fed up, you’ll snap out of it. It won’t be attractive anymore.
- Break the pattern & make a list
Look at the past relationships that didn’t work. What went wrong? For the love of God please don’t say ‘’I did’’. I meant what went wrong when the red flag waved at you and you acted like you were color-blind? Now, make a list of what you’d like your perfect partner to have/be, and take a double look. Are you asking them to be there for you when you need it or to deal with the emotions YOU haven’t processed with yourself? Start reading yourself and get to know why you want X thing, why you react X way when X thing happens and start forgiving yourself. Now you heal, then you choose better.
Breaking patterns is REALLY hard because it’s an automatic reaction you have had for a long time and again you may not know any better. Take small steps and be patient.
- Love you infinitely
The more you treat yourself the way YOU want to be treated, the more you love yourself and the less you want to go for a ridiculous person that treats you lower than what you’re worth. Never, EVA settle for less than what you deserve. It is so not worth it. Self-care, self-growth, self-understanding, self-forgiving, self-love is your way to finding happiness. Not a lover that’s ready to hurt you from the start.
- Leave the toxic behind
Unfollow them, hell block them if needed. Start breathing fresh air gorgeous. You owe it to yourself. (Also that if it’s possible, if there’s a situation that makes you see them inevitably, start minimizing as much as you can the contact with them).
In the end, we all have our red flags, I mean I just tried the TikTok filter and it said my red flag is I kill plants. What can I say, telling them they’re gorgeous wasn’t enough apparently you actually have to give some kind of bath to your orchids. Anyways back to the point, red flags are everywhere, and honestly, not always avoidable, I mean some of them have gotten real good it’s like they mutated or something. They make you learn though. Also, if you’ve recently went through someone that showed red flags you’ve ignored, you’re one person closer to finding yours. You’ll get through it and the more you treat yourself right, the more you’ll heal.
MWAH
