5 lessons I learned and grown with in the past year
It has almost been 12 complete months, 52 complete weeks, 365 complete days. Many events, many emotions such as sadness, anger, happiness, joy, comfort, discomfort, adrenaline, and more took place in the last year. Do you think January you would understand where you are if you only gave them three word? Mine would be confused as fuck, but she would understand at the same time. I mean how is it that time can be so slow but also so fast? How is it that December 2022 feels like 3 months ago in my head, but when I was in December 2022 I wondered where I would be right now? Anyways, life is tricky and it’s full of surprises, events and memories, but what we will mostly remember are the lessons. What 2023 brought you, how it shaped you as a human. Here are some of my favorite lessons I learned in the last year.
Lesson 1 – Who you are.
December 2022 MJ wondered who the fuck she was. In fact she didn’t have a clue, the only thing she knew for sure was that she needed to show up for herself, the rest would come along on its own. December 2023 MJ is not 100% sure who she is, but will she ever be? I’d say she’s around a good 70%. Maybe 65%.
Who you are is defined by the roots of what made you go through life, it’s defined by your biggest scars, the smallest and the deepest ones. Part of who you are is made by your values, your hobbies, your talent, your own you.
I learned this year that some values were more important to me than others, I betrayed myself, but it made me realise who I wasn’t and who I am/who I want to become. You need to get to know you, the real you, understand yourself, and have your own back.
This is a huge lesson but, understanding how I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anybody is something I learned in the last months. I am who I am and I don’t need to be scared I won’t be funny enough or good enough, because I always am and you are too. Proof is necessary in law and medicine but it isn’t needed for your soul. People are not all meant to be in your life and that’s okay, but don’t try to prove yourself to them because the only thing you’re proving is how unsure of yourself you are and that’s something that will definitely block you from growing & evolving.
Lesson 2 – Let it/them
I’m still learning this one and it’s actually my best friend that made me realise this. Wanting to control everything even the things you can’t such as your feelings, healing process, others actions and/or thoughts, is wanting to not be surprise by the outcome so it hurts less. However, you won’t be numb because you were able to tell yourself ‘’I told you so’’. It’s only pushing down your emotions which will resurface in the worst moments. Just let life be…life. Let them do whatever they want to do or think, let it happen, let this go.
It actually helped my anxiety so much to just take a deep breath and let whatever thing is about to happen, happen. Don’t force anything, don’t bust your ass to make something that is out of your control, just let it. I found so much peace in not pressuring anything and letting things happen, because everything happens for a reason. Even if the reason is unknown for now, trust that it’s always for the best in the end.
Lesson 3 – Everything is temporary
It all is. You need to make the best out of everything because you might look back one day and be like shit I was good back then and I didn’t even know it. So know it.
You don’t have to like every part of your life, some of mine I’d like to forget but at the same time, it needed to happen. You know, some part I look back and I’m like, I thought I was good but I wasn’t, which is not bad because I can reflect on it and know what made me feel bad and how/if I can change it if it happens again.
Enjoy every moments, enjoy the fact that it’s not your best day, enjoy the fact that you’re able to feel like shit. Just enjoy because it’s temporary and maybe someday you’ll feel worse or better, but you need to enjoy it. You can’t always say ‘’Oh I’ll feel better once this will be done, or once I’ll be there, etc. ‘’ Be better NOW. You choose your happiness and it may not always be what you’d like it to be but it is what it is for now. The now, is what should always matter most to you. Slap yourself in the face and realise how ungrateful you are of the time you have. Then, get up and make the most of it.
Every person in your life is not meant to stay forever because there is no forever, there is only now.
Lesson 4 – Mistakes are not avoidable
Currently still struggling with this one, but here’s what I learned from it for now.
You are not perfect nor should you ever be because what is perfect? Perfection is different to everyone, perfection is something that can never be. Everything and everyone are flawed, we just learn to live with it and we learn to choose differently if the first time made you fall in a trap.
You’re going to hurt people, no matter how hard you try not to. You’re going to hurt yourself (speaking metaphorically here) whether you want it or not. Making mistakes will never define you. How you make up for them & learn from them always will.
It doesn’t matter if you think you’re broken, because broken makes you able to start over again. It makes you able to put back the pieces together in a different way and make you change.
If you never make any mistakes, how do you expect yourself to become a better human being? Somebody that never fell into any hole or never got a flat tire (speaking metaphorically again) isn’t somebody who’s better than you, it’s somebody that is either too stupid and self-absorbed to realise they made a mistake or it’s somebody that will hit a wall someday. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others which is not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, mistakes make you wiser, they give you the opportunity to grow, they push you to the top.
It is painful to make a mistake, especially if it does hurt someone, but unless you tell me the DeLorean time machine is in your driveway, I don’t think you can take back what you did. Own up to it. Learn from it. Don’t beat yourself up, understand you’ve done something that wasn’t great but still show yourself some compassion.
Lesson 5 – Love is what holds the world together
I was in love, still am, with so many people and so many things. The thing I realised is that you’re not supposed to only have place for romantic love in life. I mean romance is amazing, having your other half next to you is an extraordinary feeling but it isn’t the only thing that makes your heart beat and your brain send dopamine in.
Beginning of 2023 I knew love wasn’t meant to only be romantic, but I didn’t realise it. I didn’t realise that it surrounds us all around and we don’t even give it a second thought. To help yourself find the love around you, make a list of them. Here’s a short piece of mine.
- I love my family
- I love my best friends
- I love writing
- I love salads of all type
- I love to go on walks with music
- I love to be a fucking woman
- I love to have my own work routine
- I love finding a 20$ in my wallet I forgot was there
- I love being productive
- I love when Starbucks doesn’t forget to put in the whipped cream in my white mocha
- I LOVE to have a nice shoulders and triceps day in the gym
- I love me.
This is a small list, but when I think about those things, I’m happy, or at least it cheers me up when I need it.
Before you love someone romantically, love yourself. Not doing so will make you project your insecurities, create issues in your relationship, and make you in a non-secure place, You can’t be secure with someone if you’re not secure with yourself first.
Learning is the one thing that’s never going to leave us. It’s natural and innate, we were born with this capacity; you start walking and you fall, you try again and learn how to do it, you start riding a bicycle, you fall, you’re hurt but you get back up and try again (or in my case you run, hide and be mad for the next 3 hours because you didn’t get it the first time and your whole family realises how stubborn you are 🤠), you learn at school, you learn how to cook, you learn a sport, etc. Everyday of your life you learn something new, whether it’s a little detail or not. Tell me what it is you learned today, it may not always be useful, but your brain still keeps that information in and that is something great.
You’re amazing and I’m sure you’ll do well in 2024 (but also, what is well?), don’t worry about it. Just enjoy. Now get up and go do a nice vision board to put up in your room or on your laptop’s wallpaper, but before you go, what is your biggest lesson you learned this year?
I wish you health, wellness and lots of reading my blog in 2024.
Go get this year.
Mwah.
