Fucking anxiety. I don’t know how people dealt with this back in the days when mental health wasn’t as important as it is today, but I raise my hat to them. Feeling like something’s wrong, something’s about to be fucking wrong is exhausting. It’s an inside battle, probably the hardest and longest an anxious person can deal with, so please try to understand.
What about anxiety? From my point of view
To me, anxiety is a fucking bitch who needs attention 24/7. Anxiety works at the Anticipation of Disaster department, she’s paid minimum wage full time and puts her whole will into her job, it’s her dearest thing. She’s incredibly thick headed and HR hates her, always complaining on X and Y, that gal is NEVA happy. However, she was sent by my subconscious in order to make sure I’m ok and in control. Oh she loves control she must’ve been a fucking dominant before that job. Lastly she’s fucking curious, if she doesn’t know the tea, the tea she will find. The tea she will know. Anxiety’s quite serious, she takes meeting she doesn’t need to be in, tries to do everything, tries to know everything, etc. She’s ALSO annoying, but she’s caring. Her boss is defense mechanism.
Anyways, every single person who suffers from anxiety faces it in it’s own way. It’s different for everyone, I mean, we all have different triggers, different solutions, different self-help tips, and different perceptions. What makes me anxious won’t necessarily make you anxious.
I’ve learned the hard way that taking advices is good, but what really helps you is listening to you. Your soul, your mind and your body.
The answer’s almost always within. (Except fucking math, the answer is always in the stupid notebook).
What about anxiety? From Psychiatry.org
‘’Generalized anxiety disorder involves persistent and excessive worry that interferes with daily activities. This ongoing worry and tension may be accompanied by physical symptoms, such as restlessness, feeling on edge or easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension or problems sleeping. Often the worries focus on everyday things such as job responsibilities, family health or minor matters such as chores, car repairs, or appointments.’’ – Psychiatry.org
I’m no therapist I won’t give a perfect definition of what anxiety is, but they will.
How do you help someone dealing with anxiety?
Do’s & Don’t’s
Like I said, we all have different triggers & solutions, but how can you help someone who’s been feeling very anxious lately? I know so many of you truly feel helpless because you don’t get what’s happening and you don’t know what action to take so let me help you.
First off, it’s important to know that you cannot be someone’s anchor, they can’t depend on you to feel better, because this is an incredibly heavy weight to put on your shoulders. If they need a therapist or medication they need to get it, either way, you have to set your boundaries or else it may end up affecting your mental health which is not the objective here. However, there are some ways to give them the little push they may need, show them a little bit of the light at the end of the tunnel.
Don’t’s
- Don’t judge, understand.
I remember my biggest struggle at first was not feeling understood. I felt like a stranger and I hated every minute of it. It’s like nobody understood the exact feeling I had, that’s when I started feeling alone. Until I went to therapy and then, I felt understood, I felt seen and not judged.
Just hear them out, don’t talk, don’t make weird faces just be there and get what they’re going through. Even if their sentences are ‘’I feel ummm… I just, I don’t know… I went to do this but then I felt, and I umm I’m not sure (starts crying)’’. Let them take a deep breath and try to meet them halfway because feeling it is hard but saying it, most of the time, is harder.
- Do not make them feel bad or invalidate their feelings
Don’t you dare say it’s stupid to feel what they feel because they already don’t want to be a burden, now they’re opening up and you’re closing the door?? Ouf that’s hurtful don’t do it. You’re literally going to make it worst. Also, we know that there is worst in this world, but a reminder isn’t necessary, it’s not because there is worst that we can’t feel sadness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, etc.
- Saying ‘’Just don’t stress’’
OK JAMES I WOULD IF I COULD. DO YOU THINK I CHOSE TO FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP? LIKE MY SOUL IS BEING SUCKED INTO A FUCKING TORNADO???? ANSWER ME FUCKING JAMES.
No but for real, when you say that, it’s like telling someone who’s bleeding to..just..not…bleed. I mean that wasn’t the main objective but yet here we are.
- Being distant
If they tell you they want to be alone, you wait a couple hours, confirm that they still want you to stay out of the way for now and if they do, then let them be by themselves. If they don’t, go to the Do’s list.
- Asking them what they want to do
They probably don’t fucking know it. Or they just want to lay in bed and scroll on their phone. Don’t put another weight on their shoulders and just decide. I hate taking decisions when I’m anxious, it’s like you’re asking to much of me mate. Take the wheel and drive for a bit cause we’re fucking exhausted over here.
Do’s
- Land them a hand
If you know they have a huge list of things to do but just getting out of bed is a chore, you can help them out with this.
DISCLAIMER – If you do this and put it back in their face later, you’re a fucking bitch.
Just help out, ask them what they’d like you to do and do it without question, or do it without them knowing and surprise them. It’ll lift a whole weight off of their shoulders and put their mind a little bit more at ease.
- Comfort them
Reassurance really is key most of the time. If they need to be reassured on the tiniest weirdest little detail, just do it. What is it going to cost you? Not a penny. Just bring them the verbal comfort they need to feel a little bit better.
- Hug
Not a 3 second side hug. Give them a big 2 minutes hug, let them just feel protected in your arms for a second. Protected from the world around, from all the emotions. Sometimes a hug is all we truly need.
- Bring them a surprise
Can be one of the following:
- Take out
- A new cozy blanket
- Tylenol (they probably have a headache)
- Flowers
- A new candle
Now that’s enough, you know that person better than me, you should know what they need in tough times.
- Recognise the triggers
If you are the trigger, try to understand what you did that set them off. Communicate with them and try to find a way to not let this happen again whilst informing them that it wasn’t your intention.
If you are not the trigger, but now you know what it is, you can avoid it more easily (ex. bringing up a certain event in their life).
- Change their ideas
Don’t let them rot in their room, it’s possible it may not be helping, so take them out for a change and surprise them somewhere. I don’t know, bring them to a picnic, paddleboarding, ice skating, walking, etc. Just find somewhere that’ll take their mind off of things and make them be more in the present moment, which will help decrease the anxiety and find happiness in the absolute now.
Helping someone that deals with anxiety is not easy which is why you need your own boundaries. I used to put the weight of my anxiety on someone else’s shoulders but that’s not the way it should be. What I’m about to say is harsh but it’s the truth; your anxiety is your problem, you deal with it. That doesn’t mean you can’t seek help outwards, it only means that you can’t depend on others to feel better. Seek the help you need such as a therapist, but don’t ask someone to take care of the whole you every minute of every crisis.
However, anxiety sometimes blinds us from the reality and makes us see things that may never happen only to ‘’prepare’’ us, but in the end, we’re not enjoying the process of life which is what anxiety is robbing. Giving a little bit of you to put perspective in their view can really be insightful. They’ll get better, but you reading this is already you helping them. Just be there. Physically, mentally, whatever they need you to be, you help them but then you let them fly on their own.
Mwahs.
