Christmas dinners are not always IT
Whether you have a new family in-law this year or you’re just going to see the people you see once a year, this may be good for you to read. Christmas dinners can be really nice, but some of them can be so fucking exhausting, and may not be the time of our lives, well here’s how you’re going to make it this way, because who the fuck wants to be miserable on Christmas? Not me LOL.
First off let’s put down what can be a threat to your happiness or mental health on one dinner party:
- In-laws
For those of you MEETING your in-laws on Christmas, I wish you an amazing luck, let’s hope you don’t have meat pie between your teeth while saying how you want to take care of their daughter/son. HOWEVER, I do have a nice storytime for you guys…
Yall have to know, my father is one hell of a main character, he’s precious but also special in so many fucking ways I can’t even count. I actually don’t know why nobody made a TV show about his life yet. Anyways, he has a huge family, multiple cousins, uncles, aunts, sisters, brother, etc. You know, the man didn’t want to lose his time having multiple presentation dinners, I mean why would you when you can just say ‘’Babe, we have a little get together with my family, I want you to meet them’’. Of course, we all think oh okay little get together, let’s meet the parents, sisters, brother, they have to like me because fuck I’m in love with him, imagine they hate me??? Anyways, so my mom was ready to impress the shit out of people and walked into a room full of around a small 30 people starring at her and there she is, just thinking they don’t have the same definition of a small get together.
If you’re nervous, remember this story because to this day, they all love her so much. They will love you, and if they don’t, well they’re in-laws they might won’t. The worst that can happen is they call you by your boyfriend/girlfriend’s ex’s name. I mean what could be worst?? 😅
- School
This one’s making me a bit anxious, the people that dropped out most probably understand me. I mean is this really the only thing in life, school??? Why don’t you ask me what my favorite candle smell is? Or where my next travel destination is (I don’t know but I’d be able to speak about traveling for hours if you let me)? School is good, but even if I was still going, what the fuck would I be saying? ‘’Yeaaa, had a little mental breakdown 13 days ago because my social communication teacher asked us to do a paper about the reasons why people don’t have friends’’. Would you find this interesting? I certainly don’t.
- Gift exchange
As much as this can be fun, it can be something really really, uncomfortable. My best friend has a gift exchange with her father’s girlfriend’s family, but she doesn’t know any of them. She picked out Uncle Roland and she doesn’t have a fucking clue what to buy him.
I mean the budget is also always a problem. You set up a maximum amount of money and you can get yourself in either one of these situations:
- Everybody went higher to prove themselves but you respected the budget and bought oven mitts and now you’re a bit ashamed (especially if it’s not your blood family).
- YOU decided to go a bit higher (because situation A happened last year) and everybody bought a little dollar store gift just for fun and now you look like you overdid it (especially if it’s not your blood family).
If you picked a name you don’t know you might also have a hard time finding a gift.
If you’re like my family and like to add a spicy touch, your gift exchange will probably look like this:
Everybody has to buy something that starts with the first letter of their name (which in my case is M), at the exchange, we will pick out a name and the person decides which gift they pick and they have to guess who is it from. Mind you I was 11 years old that year, my only money was one Canadian Tire 10 cents, my only way to participate was to make the gift. So I made macarons. But not the extra cute ones they make in France LOL no. It was these (please see this nice image below). So when my great grandfather opened it, he took a real good two minutes and asked ‘’C’est dla marde?!’’ (which translates to shit in English but marde matched the first letter of my name and now that I think of it, it matched the dessert too). This was a core memory of mine.
- Kids
Look I love my little cousins with my whole heart, but when this little one took a shit in his pampers and took off his pampers in the middle of my little sister’s room… I have to say we had mixed feelings about them. (Of course I’m joking don’t take this personally you unfun person).
- Money, politics & the non-blood weird uncle/aunt
We’re family, we grew up together, but my friend, it doesn’t mean I approve your way of living or decisions so please let’s put aside those two subjects for one evening. Well actually on my behalf I don’t understand shit about politics but it’s a controversial subject in every family (Do presidents have that same rule? No politics on Christmas dinners?).
Also, this special person who always says weird stuff and is just making everybody so madly uncomfortable that you have to unwrap the evening with your family after?? Yep, if you don’t know who it is, it’s probably you.
NOWWW that we have established everything (mostly) that could go wrong, let’s establish how you’ll get through it.
- Eggnog, mimosas (for brunches), martinis & shots
Treat yourself, and enjoy. It’s more tolerable with these anyways so why would you not? (If you need to take care of your children, maybe stick to one glass of wine and don’t get wasted LOL same goes for those of you driving after).
- A little bit of Mary Jane
Why not, I mean you’ll get through all of the weird uncle’s triumph stories more easily. At least they’ll be funnier than they actually are.
Also if you’re under 18, skip this point.
- Stick to who you are
Don’t try to impress, just be you. You’re always enough and never too much. If they don’t approve of your choices, well good for them, one day they’ll learn that their own life is more important than yours. You do you gorgeous and nobody can tell you otherwise, they can bring you their wisdom and advices, but they shouldn’t be telling you what to do. Follow your own heart and respect your boundaries.
- Food
It doesn’t happen really often that you find yourself in front of a huge buffet full of great food. I don’t care if you think about your weight, you’re fucking stunning already and you’ll work out more after Christmas if it makes you feel better, but for now, eat that fudge square and go dance.
- Dress cute
Some people don’t like to do that, but some of us do. Since I was a little girl, dressing cute for Christmas was my yearly event, putting on mom’s makeup and my little red dress was my time to shine. Still is though.
- Take a walk
When it’s too much, hush it out and go on a walk. Feel the fresh breeze on your face and complain as much as you want for a little 15 minutes, then go back inside and feel better.
- Look for out of the country flights
If the whole thing is starting to get on your nerves, I mean you can always go away. There’s just something about having the possibility to go and just not taking it. If you’re crazy take it and leave the place after a little while of being there LOL.
- Pull an Ame & Dave type of thing
Remember in my Have you found your Dave post? (If you don’t, go read it now). Well Ame & Dave are not particularly fans of Christmas dinners so they most probably will say they need to go home at around 11PM because Dave took extra shifts the next morning and he needs his sleep, then they’ll go home and live on their lives. If it’s needed you can always do that.
- Gratefulness
It always needs to be there, look around and find things you’re grateful for. First off, be grateful you fucking have a family to go to in Christmas you ungrateful shit, some people are not able to see theirs or just don’t have one. The rest I’m letting you find. 😊
Okay, so we were talking about how you need to get through it, but let’s remember Christmas is the time you see people you don’t often see and whom you love anyways. Enjoy this evening, and have fun it happens once a fucking year and people are all happy to be there, take that happiness with them and make the best out of this experience.
On this note, I wish you a whole LOT of champagne, gifts, love, sex, snow, amends, food and of course, Mariah Carey’s music.
Huge mwahs to all of you
