What’s something that’s been on my mind a lot since I was little girl? My prince charming. Dreaming of what love is, what it could be, what it can bring; I saw my parents fall in love more everyday, every year, even when it could be what we call tough times. I asked my mom how many times to tell me their meeting story? Probably a thousand times. I listened to her tell me about the time my father had delivered one hundred roses to her apartment. ONE HUNDRED ROSES TO HER. Funny part is he paid with her credit card (they were already together at that time), but you know that’s the funny person she fell in love with. Don’t worry he made it up to her by asking her hand under the Eiffel Tower. ANYWAYS, the point is I watched so many Disney love movies, I fell in love with romantic love. I am a lover girl all the way, always have and always will. The only issue with this is that we grow up thinking romantic love IS the most amazing feeling and we end up chasing it more than butterflies when we were little kids. However, in reality, romantic love isn’t the only thing that should be catching our attention the most. Life itself is.
Loving yourself first IS amazing
Everywhere around the world are love stories happening everyday, yours will come too but until then, enjoy the ride. I mean if someone told you ‘’On this exact date at this exact time you will meet your soulmate, and have the cutest love story ever’’ would you be excited? Would you count down the days? Would you look forward to this only? I know some part of me would so probably a part of you would too. That’s exactly why (and obviously other many scientific reasons) we do not have this information. Because life itself is something to look forward too, and falling in love with yourself should be a huge part of this exciting life of yours.
I read once, ‘’In order to be in a happy and healthy relationship you need to fall in love with yourself first’’. I really do think loving yourself is one of the most important individual character trait you both need to have in a relationship.
Let’s start loving yourself.
- Put yourself first and put YOU on a pedestal
Ok so don’t go to a self-centered point that’s not what I’m suggesting. What I’m saying here is choose you. What’s meant to be will be don’t worry about that, but please for the love of God, choose yourself. If you don’t want to go to a 3rd party in a row, then don’t. If you feel like going on a walk instead of a run then do so and don’t feel bad. If you want to have a bath and a movie marathon tonight then say no to that invitation to the restaurant. That’s choosing you.
Putting you on a pedestal is to know that you are a good fucking person, and you deserve the love YOU want, it’s not settling because something looks OK and in the general standards, it’s knowing that what you want exactly and precisely is out there. You’re the prize. Don’t ever fucking forget that because you’re unique and you deserve what you want.
- Change
Let it flow in your life, change the way your room looks, give away your old clothes and the ones you hate, change your haircut, bring positive in your life, embrace the person you want to become while accepting and appreciating the person you were/are.
Change brings a new type of air in your life and we all need it once in a while.
- Date yourself
Buy yourself flowers, go to a restaurant alone, go read somewhere or go learn something new. Visit a fucking museum for all I care. Dating yourself and enjoying your own company will make you fall in love with the person you are.
- Practice selfcare daily
Selfcare never has to be something huge, it’s in the little things. Go read my POST****
- Gratitude
Always a must to help you find inner peace and inner peace makes you feel more connected to yourself which necessarily means more selflove.
- Cut off things/people that don’t serve/bring you anything positive
You have every right to and it will actually make your life more peaceful and less full of a big grey cloud of negativity.
Fulfilling your life first IS amazing
Depending on the way we grew up we have different views of what love is. Some of us seek love to fulfill a place that wasn’t fulfilled younger or to put up a part of you that’s missing. What we don’t understand is that fulfilling our lives start with us, with who we are, with what we do, with who we’re surrounded.
Something I learned a few months ago, is that, when you’re single and you’re missing something like missing an old relationship or an old fling for example, it can means that you’re lacking something precise in your life. I’ll give you a proper example, when I learned this I saw it happened in my life. One time, I found out someone I dated was dating someone else, and it made me jealous even though I never really liked that person which is the reason the dating ended so not knowing what to do with this feeling I took a step back and called myself out. What I was truly missing was talking with someone and ‘’connecting’’ (even if it was minimal) because I wasn’t connecting with myself and my emotions enough. It was the moment I realised that’s where I was supposed to put my attention on. Which is what I did and I stopped feeling that way towards that person.
Here are some ways to fulfill your life more:
- Get out of your comfort zone
Even I don’t do it enough but man does it get you far in life.
- Let yourself be rejected
It’s okay. You don’t need to be accepted everywhere you go, accept rejection and welcome it whole heartedly because it’s just a redirection towards the things that will accept you and truly make you happy.
- Shift your perception
This one is a killer. I hate when I go to read about how to stop this or how to stop that and the first thing is ‘’Shift your perception’’ like what the fuck do you mean????
However, I do know it’s one of the keys to growing and evolving. Changing the way you see things, the way you think things through is one of the hardest self-growth aspect I know because you’re changing a pattern, but when you realise the pattern isn’t there anymore, that’s when you find out hard work pays off and it feels fucking amazing.
How to do it I’m not completely sure, I guess it depends on the pattern, who you are and how much willingness you have to change it. What helped me was to recognise the pattern, recognise the times when it happened and then I could identify the pattern in many situations, sit back and take time to think about who I want to be and what I want this pattern to change into. Then I acted into it and one day I realised the pattern wasn’t as much automatic as it was.
- Add things to your calendar
If you feel like your life is not fulfilling you, then maybe you’re not doing enough of the things you do love or trying things you don’t know you love yet. Take a look at your routine and ask yourself, what you truly want to keep, what you want to let go and what you must do. Work is a must, but if you hate it so much that it makes you sick then don’t be scared to be rejected and apply for a job you would love to do. If you’re really not happy in the gym anymore than change for another gym OR try something new like Pilates, Yoga, or a sport you like. It’ll keep you moving and you’ll actually look forward to doing it.
Those are examples, but adding things you love in your calendar and letting go of the ones that make you hate your day will fulfill your life even more than you think.
- Go on a last-minute solo trip
Fucking do it. Exceed your limits, take time to air your brain and discover who you are.
Being single is a gift in itself, sure romantic love is amazing, I’ll always love it, but I’ve learned to love being alone romantically and it makes me appreciate even more the person I’m becoming. I truly hope you’ll grow into this too. Let me know in the comments what you think about celibacy.
Just enjoy it and be present.
Extra mwahs this week.
